Friday, August 11, 2017

what I've learned from the last two weeks

I took this photo two weeks ago. I don't know why I never posted it because I actually quite like it.
I'm glad I never found the time to post it, though, because it brought so much conviction when my eyes landed on that photo today.


Two weeks seems like such an insignificant amount of time. But my life, in so many ways, has changed since the moment I snapped this photo two weeks ago.

Since the time I took this photo, I've spent a handful of days the in hospital. I've been in greater pain that I have ever been in my life. I've been given three different diagnoses, from pancreatitis to a small bowel blockage to a motility disorder. I've spent half of those two weeks surviving on a full liquid diet. I've been filled with the fear that I'll never eat solid food again, and even worse, I'll have to be fed via a feeding tube. I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, the guilt of being a sub par wife and mom literally tearing me apart. I've spent afternoons crying when Lilli refuses to nap, blaming myself that it's somehow my fault. I've gotten behind in the blogging world, on writing deadlines, on school work because I'm struggling to get the laundry done, let alone find the energy to do all of that in the same day. I've felt frustration. I've felt anger. I've felt hopelessness. I've felt sadness. I've felt worry. I've felt pure and raw emotions overflowing from every fiber of my being.

But there has been one thing that has not changed in the last two weeks, and as I have been reminded, will never change.

Jesus has never left my side. Jesus will never leave my side.

I have cried out to Jesus in the last two weeks more than I have in a really long time. I have cried out to Him to help me through this difficult time. To fill me with His strength that I am unable to muster on my own. To comfort me when my body is screaming out with anxiety, pain, and frustration. To constantly remind me who He has been, who He is, and who He will be.

And He has.

I know that I have no reason to worry, because I am safe in His arms. I know that I have no reason to fear, because I am safe in His arms.

Dear friends, this life will never be without troubles. We will always fall short of the Glory of God. We will always fail when chose to depend on our own strength versus submerging ourselves in His love.

But we will never be without Jesus.

He has been and will be with us each and every time we are hurting, fearing, worrying, breaking, or crying. And He will be there again when we find the joy that only He can provide.

Rest in that steady comfort, friends, that you are never without Jesus.

"...and Jesus, I need You. Every moment I need You. Hear now, this grace bought heart sing out Your praise forever..."
"Jesus I Need You" by Hillsong Worship

6 comments:

  1. Praying for you, Brandi. Nobody should have to go through what you're going through. <3

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  2. Oh Brandi, I am so sorry to hear this. But am so thankful for His saving grace and the truth that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. Prayer for you through this time!!

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  3. Oh no, so scary and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will pray for you!

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